Well, its about 4 am in the morning, I think..and Im sitting here typing to you. No one is on....or they dont want to talk...eh..well Im going to go to bed soon...

Today I didnt go to school...I didnt feel like going..wahoo..I talked to Mrs. Nielsen..Man its been a very long time since Ive heard her voice..Wow..anywho..shes going to have a kid..thats so exciting..wahoo..

I went to sleep for a while and when I woke up it was 10:20pm...no matter why Im still up at this time of night..Uhm..I cleaned my room, well not all the way, but its getting there...Im almost done..

I think maybe I talked chelly belle into going to a shrink..It wouldnt hurt her..and I think she would benefit from it as well...She just seems like she needs it...shes changed alot...I told her it would be okay..and if she didnt want to talk she didnt have to...well I have to go to a shrink..Im kind of looking forward to it, but at the same not really...last time I went my life went downhill..but I think thats because I wasnt willing to recieve help..but its gone to far...and If I dont stop soon I could become nothing...so Now I hope things will get better..

I hope wherever we move Steve doesnt move with us...I hate him so much right now..he pisses me off...Entirely...

I havent yet decided if Im going to turn back to GOd...I want to but then, Im scared...Ive actually been reading my bible..but I still have my doubts..not that doubts are good..but still everyone has doubts....

Eh..I had memories today of everything..flashed before my eyes..so diguisting..blah...My memories haunt me..thats so scary...

I was looking at some papers and I found this picture I drew of this gurl and then there were razor blades and whatnot.. it freaked me out... It even said "Pain is the only way to Heaven"...oh man..

Im going to leave for now...

peace